HANXIAO

聚会散了，夜路长长
凌晨四点半
毛呢大衣上渐有积雪
任凭那一雾又一雾
涌流的，暖的，迅速冷却的烟
迎头消散

“多谢付了酒水钱，我到家就给你转”
“不用了，你什么都不欠”

住得太近了
说了谢谢，晚安，下一个工作日见
就会不好意思，周末散步
松松垮垮提个布袋子买菜
又碰见

昨晚我的妆花了么
雪是从星星上落下的么
我那么大声唱歌和笑，嗓子哑了么
烟灰掸落的时候
我看见了晚霞
这是幻觉么
我有没有说太多的话
我有没有说错话
差一点说出秘密的那种冲动
叫什么

午后三点
天又黑了，雪还在下
醒来只觉得平静和累
许多愿望停泊在心口
夜晚和路绵延一万年
瘦长的香槟酒杯
一支一支摔碎
走上去
走过去
走到雪停，眼泪成为余烬
余烬成为霞光
星光沐浴了我
星光收走了我

公司Pikkujoulu聚会第二日，赫尔辛基

2022年3月12日

The party was over
The street furthered into the night
Four thirty in the morning
Snow accumulated on the woolen coat
Smoke flew, cooled, veiled and fell back as light mist

“Thank you for paying for the drink, I will transfer it back to you when home”
“No, there is nothing you owe”

I am always afraid
when live close to a friend
Won’t it be awkward on weekend
to encounter when taking a walk
loosely carrying a grocery bag
After saying thank you, good night, see you next week

Was my makeup off last night?
Was the snow from a distant planet?
I sang and laughed so loudly, was my voice broken?
When the cigarette ashes fell
I saw a sunset
Was it hallucination?
Did I talk too much?
Did I say anything wrong?
The urge to almost tell a secret
What is it called?

Three o’clock in the afternoon
It was dark again and the snow was falling still
Woke up and felt calm and tired
Many wishes harbor in my heart
The night and the road shall develop into ten thousand years
I shall crash the slim champagne flutes
One by one on the floor
Step up
Walk over
Until snow stops, tears become embers
Embers become the sunset glow
Starlight will bath me
Starlight will take me

Day after Pikkujoulu, Helsinki

December 3, 2022